So you thought I was gone, but that’s not quite true.

So the semester is back in effect, and in full swing to be precise. But then again, we’re talking about SMU – first day of the first week will already be considered “in full swing”. It feels so good to be back in school – the heat is on; I feel like I’m a part of a season of Apprentice that lasts four fucking years. I think by now I don’t have to tell you that I know I’m the hot fucking favorite to win. How I’ve missed school and my  favorite way cool hangout spot. I’m talking about the one, the only, gem and pride of stamford road, the wonderful SMU library. Library for the win. Library > Zouk. hands down. I die die must go to the library every day, whenever I get the chance to do so. Why? I can’t put my finger on it, it’s just a super cool place where you get to spot the who’s who of SMU and its human nature to just want some attention. I want to be seen in the library. I want to wave at all the girls I know and be seen doing so. I want to let all the freshmen know whats up when they see me lift my chin like a seal towards fellow colleagues, classmates and acquaintances. The library is now more crowded on a daily basis than Mambo night. Gone are the days when I can walk my walk and talk my talk and swagger into the Library and get a nice cosy little seat. Come past eleven in the morning and I might have to queue for a fucking seat. Irritation central. But since the library is so cool but so damn crowded, solutions must be in place to ensure that the growth of SMU as a business and the growth of SMU students GPA all around does not stagnate. Sufficient risk management should be in place to diversify the strategic and operation risks to reduce the objective probability of loss, and to maintain our stranglehold as the premier school in Singapore. Oh by the way did I mention that becoming an Investment banker isn’t viewed as being so top notch cool anymore? There’s been a swift wind of change in the mindset of the fucking cool SMU student. Since the IB trend tanked with the rise of the credit crunch, all SMU students suddenly have a new similar mindset that Investment banking is like Michael Jackson songs after his death – that’s right, overplayed, overfuckingplayed. Now everyone is scrambling for something “else”. And as you can tell from my sentences earlier on in this paragraph, super duper awesome me thinks that Risk Management is the coolest thing to do now. Risk Management is THE shit right now. It’s like lady gaga, the butter factory and the SMU Banking and Finance Interest Group altogether. Its the trendy thing. And big shots like me are early adopters when it comes to trends (Yup Marketing 101 rentention is in the house). We blaze the trail for all laggards. Anyway back to recommended solutions for the school library. School should start a fucking awesome members area in the library, exactly like how the clubs do it. Membership can only be attained via being a Dean’s Lister, cause only Dean’s Listers are cool. This would ensure that big shot future potential trader banker accountant consultant lawyer engineer consumer banker engineer engineer engineer nurse constantly gets seats so as to be able to ensure the maximum opportunity to fulfill our big shot potential. Seventy percent of the library population is on their laptops playing mafia wars or blogshopping or soccernet.com or acting cool by having bloomberg.com up on their screens but have arms folded and head asleep. It doesn’t take a George Kuah to project that these people have a big fat GPA<3.2 written on their foreheads. Go hard or go home.

And don’t even get me started on the Group Study Rooms. Fucking awesome me was back in school two Saturdays ago to retrieve some items from my locker, when I took a look around and realized that a whopping 80 percent of GSRs were full! Fucking hell. End of the second week and already everyone is either mugging or pretending to mug (but then again if you’re really doing this on a saturday afternoon in school when there shouldnt be anyone around to see you act cool then you must be the biggest fucking loser I’ve ever heard of). I guess big hot shot me is going to have some competition from now onwards. What can I say, everyone wants to be me. Everyone wants to be George Kuah.