Wow im so fucking tired. I just got back from a weekend away scouting out a timber plantation in South East Asia and I’m glad I’ve learnt so much. I want to show you that my GPA is so good that I can just take a weekend overseas, learning and proving to all the people around me that I am capable of “learning” outside of school but during the school term. I learnt a lot about timber, and the pulp and paper industry, and I think there’s a bright future for the industry, although it has some way to go. I see a future for myself in it also, because I’m a big fuck, and I am more capable than just investment banking. I can cook, I can study, I can play guitar, I can play yo-yo, I can calculate poker odds within two and a quarter of a second, I can speak seventeen languages – all of which show that I am very adaptable. Which is one of my 7 traits of why anyone should hire me. Yes, SMU and the powers that be have been good enough to me to provide me with the super awesome and very necessary interviewing skills which makes me rehearse my answers so well that most employers actually think I’m being robotic and an actor, but it’s alright, I’m still a big enough fuck to get past the interview with my big time analysis of the advantages and disadvantages of DCF and FCF, which to be honest, is right on the money.

But let me get back to timber and it being, in my mind, a sub-commodity. Put aside tree reserves and shit. Put aside the amount of cash flow that it has generated historically. Lets think about the assumptions being made about timber production. Can we really get a certain amount every month? What strategies are in place to ensure that there are sufficient trees for long termed goals? What are the relevant costs for a year round operational timber mill? What are the current highlighted risks that are associated with this industry, both macro and micro? Is the infrastructure needed to support the mills in place in the designated country? So many outlets for risks; my brain is oozing with questions, and I just wanted to let the world know my thought processes because I’m way too smart for the average joe, and by writing out the questions, you would know that my G.P.A is fucking legit baby. I don’t mean to brag, but really, maybe 1 % of Singapore and SMU actually think in this manner.

But sad to say, George Kuah is hurting right now, and hurting real bad. My SMU girlfriend has left me for a person with a lower GPA. The horror! Lower GPA! I hide in shame. It’s like getting fucked over by James Lye for a Morgan Stanley Private Wealth Management job. It’s like being a girl in the Miss Singapore World contest and losing to Ris Low and her Zipbra preen top. It put me on edge.First time in four years in this school that I’ve experienced true heartbreak. I just don’t understand it – what’s wrong with me? I printed out my resume and showed it to her and asked her to reconsider, but she refused. I pointed to my perfect GPA, I pointed to my work experience, I cried and told her it doesn’t get any better that this on paper, and paper is all that matters! I know I have an ugly face, but I’m so damn bloody smart, and my future is brighter and shinier than Thaman’s bald head. My life is in such shatter that I think I might have to go drink some hard liquor at Ice Cold Beer every evening and act cool and melancholic, and maybe some PRC scholar girl with a high GPA would take pity on me and pick me up, and I can get my life back on track.

But lessons in life have to be learnt. Chasing girls in SMU is like running a business. You get a girlfriend, but the possibility of heartache causes it to never be a matured asset, but always an account receivable. Unfortunately, there is high risk that this account receivable will turn sour and turn into bad debts. So proper risk management needs to be in place in order to reduce the exposure and probability of this occurrence. And that’s why, I’m on my way to the pet shop after this to buy a dog, which I shall name, mista vista.